My revision essay for this essay is to first fix/ change my introductory paragraph.  When Bri commented on my paper she said it was a little choppy.  So I will be making sure to make it less choppy.  Also, I have to use better details to describe my quote.  One thing that Bri said was that one of my quotes wasn’t the best to use it the way that I did so I either have to find another quote or make sure to interpret the quote better.  In one of my paragraphs Bri said one of my sentences didn’t seem to support my argument.  So with that sentence I will be taking that sentence out.  In the beginning of one of my paragraphs Bri told me not to go right into my quote/evidence and introduce the what I will be arguing in that paragraph in the beginning then bring up my quote/ evidence next.  The way I will be reaching this goal will be having people reading my paper after I revise it.  This will allow me make sure my intro isn’t choppy and everything that I stated above.  What I’m going to find most challenging when revising this essay is probably going to be trying to find more evidence to support my quotes.